


breaking strength

by justalittlegreen



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Whump, excessive fishing imagery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:21:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29325393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justalittlegreen/pseuds/justalittlegreen
Summary: a series of vignettes in which hawkeye and trapper dance around each other for awhile
Relationships: "Trapper" John McIntyre/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Kudos: 20





	breaking strength

Hawkeye knows he has to play this carefully. Trapper's a mighty big fish to land, one that could upset the boat if he doesn't keep his balance, tries to haul him in too close, too soon. Trapper glints in sunlight and wavers whenever Hawkeye looks directly at him, always leaving him wondering if he imagined the flash of skin against his fingers. 

(When they dance, Hawkeye never leads. Sometimes, he doesn't know who's tugging which end of this line harder. Or who's trying to land who.)

One night, after eleven hours of surgery, Trapper doesn't make it all the way back to his own cot. Hawkeye finds him sprawled out on top of the blankets, his arms and legs dangling over the edge of his cot like a tranquilized octopus. Hawkeye takes the covers off of Trapper's bed and covers him with them, tucking them under his shoulders and ribs. It takes everything he has not to cop a feel.

He sleeps on Trapper's cot, in his bathrobe and coat, and doesn't mind the cold.

*

Hawkeye rarely comes down with anything - he credits the gin, but Trapper suspects it's a combination of adrenaline and sheer force of will - but when the flu takes its turn with him, Trapper's ready. As soon as he's through the worst of it, he convinces Margaret to let Hawkeye come back to the swamp, and bribes Igor and Klinger to devise something edible enough to make Hawkeye eat. Radar nearly trades the radio for a good soup bone, but Klinger comes through, paying triple the going rate for a locally slaughtered chicken. He shows up to the village with the crate of Spam and looks away when the axe comes down, gagging on the road back at the still-warm bundle tucked beside him. But it's worth it. The smell alone brings a week's worth of color back to Hawkeye's face, and his eyes light up with something like awe or delirium when Trapper holds a spoonful of it to his lips.

*

The first time Hawkeye lets a hand linger, exhaustion makes a convenient excuse. The second, third, fourth, and fifth times, drunkenness. The sixth time, there is no excuse, except that Trapper's knee is right there, and Hawkeye's always been fervent with a gesture. That he's telling Trapper a dream about Nurse Able taking him to the ground and having her way with him is purely incidental.

"And how was that?" Trapper asks, barely hiding the amusement in his voice.

"How was what?"

"Bein' the one on the floor of Supply."

Hawkeye lets his eyes roll back in his head for emphasis. "Magnificent. I tell you, Trap, I'm a lazy man's lover at heart." The fact that he squeezes Trapper's knee as he says this brooks neither notice nor comment from either of them.

*  
Trapper returns from surgery to find Hawkeye sitting on his bed with a bloodied manuscript in his hands. Trapper lays his hands on those slumped shoulders because there seems to be nothing else he can offer in the wake of Tommy crashing on Hawkeye's table. 

"It shoulda been me," he finally says. "They never shoulda put him in front of you. That guy was family to you. Wasn't right. Shoulda been me."

Hawkeye looks up at him, eyes red. "No," he says quietly. "I can live with this. I couldn't live with being that angry with you."

Trapper comes around to sit next to him, ankle to shoulder. "I, uh," he says. He's never been good at this part. Words are Hawkeye's art. He's just got his hands. 

When Hawkeye turns and kisses him, he almost falls off the bed, taking Hawkeye with him. It's quick, but certain. Hawk looks him dead in the eye as he pulls away, daring him to - to what? 

There are no words, but Trapper manages to reach over and squeeze Hawkeye's knee before he gets up, leaving him to the book in his hands, and the all-too-fresh memory of a joker's kiss from a dead man.

*

Trapper does not sleep nearly as deeply as Hawkeye seems to think he does. Nor does he ever dream about Louise. He wakes up one morning with a tent in his blankets and Hawkeye standing over him, snickering. Before his brain can kick in with a better lie, he mutters, "Whatever it is, it has better be better than what Louise was about to do in that dream."

Hawkeye says, "Our ride on the Buckboard Express to Seoul leaves in twenty minutes and I noticed you haven't packed more than MY aftershave. Trapper grunts and rolls to his feet, willing away the image of Hawkeye on his back on the floor of Supply.

*

It's not a floor, the first time.

*

Trapper throws his head back at one point, and the moonlight catches his teeth, a silvery blue gasp in the dark.

*

Hawkeye holds steady. Braced for anything. Reeling.


End file.
